Newest Skeets

Some of you have been asking what I do for work and the truth is I teach kindergarten to high schoolers.

My new years revolution is gonna be to have five birthdays

Went to trade school expecting to have to negotiate more.

Grandpa can get a bit aggressive with the other grandpas at the grandpa park.

Look man all I’m saying is if fish could evolve to breathe out of water then we can evolve to breathe in space.

Boxers must have a high tolerance to alcohol considering all the body shots they take

Ruined my own birthday party by shouting like a dragonborn to put out my candles.

My favourite part of Survivor is when they cry they should try and make them cry more.

If I was a knight and I saw a dragon I’d point to my crotch and say “Take a drag on this” and then I’d fight it.

I can perform the national anthem with just the whooshing sounds of my kicks and punches.

I washed my whole body this morning except for that one part grandma says I’m still not allowed to touch.

A person who cares for elderly cows is a doctor of dairyatrics.

My doctor is very new age. And by new age I mean he learned everything on Youtube

Got into a fight with my taste buds now they’re my taste rivals.

I’ve counted six birthdays on Bluesky today and only five of them aren’t mine.

*cares about the opinions of sheep*

A hot dog eating contest but it’s cigarettes instead.

My number one rule in life is to be a rule breaker which means I follow all rules no matter what.

Sorry I’ve been so MIA lately I’ve been busy teaching dog tricks to babies